So apparently the relative that my dad has been thinking is a ward of the state isn't...which is news to him and all of us.

Also, it appears that she is dying. They did a chest x-ray and found a mass in her lung. And apparently she has an infection. And they also can't get her to talk to anyone or even swallow. They asked my dad if he wanted them to put a feeding tube in. He said no.

I don't think I've ever met her, but I feel bad about how she's going to die. She's going to die alone, in a hospital, with no one around her. The only living relatives are my father, my brothers and I.

The reason why I feel so bad for her is that I'm worried that this is how I'm going to die. I'm afraid that I'm going to die alone, in a room, with no one caring.

I'm thinking that maybe I should go and visit her anyway. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't know who I am and probably never has or will, and I don't know her at all, but it would be nice just to give her someone to die with. I hate to think of anyone dying alone.

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I guess I take death pretty hard. But only as I've grown older. When my grandfather died 12 years ago, I was in first grade. Only 6. But I spent so many days with him and it never really hit me that he died. I never cried or anything. I took it strong.

Now I would bawl my eyes out. I wouldn't be able to contain my sadness. I hate to think of what would happen if my remaining grandparents were to die.

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Yes, I'm thinking that maybe I'll pay her a visit. I just don't know when.